Running the Rat Race and Passion

Its been a while since I last posted anything. My work took control of my life and I find myself 24/7 tied to the job, working past office hours became a norm. At 1-2am, my conversation with Hub is like “are you texting T again?” And “can’t that email wait till tomorrow?” 

And I will be like ferociously tapping away on my phone replying to my boss and saying “Sorry dear, it’s urgent..”

In fact the past week was another whirlwind of 16-18 hours of work. Last night I slept at 3am till 1 plus I was still trying desperately to find a solution to a work problem and Praise God I did.

Well it’s a sad life of a corporate rat but don’t get me wrong, I like what I am doing. I’m blessed with a good boss albeit a workaholic one who loves to text me outside of working hours asking about deal status. The money is good. HUB & I achieve our renovation fund target ahead of time. I can even afford to fantasize maybe I can have real parquet flooring instead of laminate. And I have extra money to purchase my very first Chanel small Leathergoods, which cost more than the monthly salary I had in fashion.

On the flip side, I am tired and drained. I start to develop these annoying habit of checking my email every few hours, even on weekends. (which I force myself to break away by chilling out and turning off the phone) I had customers who call me when I am sick/at the doctor/at a wake and also on wkends (just received a text today)…and requested I reply them immediately even when I told them politely I am at above locations and indisposed..

Well I learnt to say no. Not that I don’t want to solve my customers’ problems but I found out through the hard way that often, they don’t appreciate and they become even more demanding. And most of the times I realised, their “urgent” request is not that urgent at all. My previous supervisor once told me nobody dies if they don’t get a quote, and it’s very true. I mean of course for really urgent matters such as a tender is closing in 2 hours, I still push myself to quote my customer, despite having really bad gastric flu at that time. 

Recently I found myself wondering if I even have time to start a family? That is why when a few recruiters contacted me few weeks ago, I started agreeing to explore instead of turning them down like what I often do. I like working with my boss but the job has came to a point where I felt overwhelmed and overloaded. 

I missed being able to go out and have social gatherings on weekdays and I really wanted to use the Government SkillsFuture fund to take more fashion courses but I can’t foresee how to work that in to my weekends, seeing my work load is at this point.

When I came back from a 5 days honeymoon in Boracay recently (hoping to write a travel post of that in future) it took me almost 2 weeks to clear my backlog that I don’t dare to go away in end Apr anymore..

 

The amazing Boracay, miss it already

 
Well enough of the rant, I actually want to share happy news! I recently joined a fashion competition and am shortlisted as one of the top ten finalists. Yay!!

It’s been 10 years since I joined a competition, and I still remember my feelings back then and how the finished product differed so much from my drawings that I felt ashamed, yet silently vowing one day I will do well enough on the stage again.

That time has come and I am nervous yet very excited! I have one month to create 3 outfits and the fitting is on 1st July with the fashion show on 16th July. My heart is thumping as I write this. Honestly I don’t know how I am going to accomplish it with my current work load but I will find a way because passion and love for fashion pushes you to find it.

I told my boss about my entry and he was surprised that I found time to join the competition. I only knew about the competition few days before it was due. Taftc sent out an email. I love Taftc they often send emails about job positions and competitions. It was on nautical theme and I just had those brilliant flashes of inspirations. I didn’t had much time to do AI drawings, so I just hand drawn and colored it (not my best) and took half day leave for my submission. I thought then, it’s not my best work, but at least I really tried my best. 

So imagine my joy when on last Friday night, after putting down a phone call with customer, I saw an email in my gmail and its was a formal email saying I am shortlisted! HUB being ever practical asked me how many entries were there? 😑 maybe there were only ten or maybe there were hundreds, I don’t care. I am just really happy to have an opportunity to push myself back to sewing again.

To have a platform to do what I love.

I may not ever go back to pursuing a full fledge career in fashion. Retail is just not for me, but I really treasure these moments for me to learn and polish my skills. Someday I will focus on bespoke, similar to F, but more on project basis, I don’t think I can do it full time. Too arty a nature to want to make it commercial. And as my teacher famously put it, if it doesn’t sell its just a piece of art, not fashion. As ironic as it sounds, I want it to be a masterpiece like gowns and stuff and not commercial fashion.

I don’t have the skills yet, but every little step takes me closer. Now I hope that through this competition, I can put some creations that show myself if I have advanced in skills in this 10 years. If I did, I am happy. If I did not, I still want to love myself and be happy, and not bash myself up.

Finally on passion. I found my passion in my career path. My passion is in doing sales, closing deals, bringing solutions to my clients. But what about fashion, you may ask? It’s something I really like. It’s passion too, but it won’t be a career for me. More like an interest, a hobby.

I am not saying never, ever, just not now. But one day, who knows?

P.S: I will keep you guys updated on the competition as it goes along^^

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